Usenet 1993 July

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Newsgroups: comp.sources.misc organization: Ferranti International Controls subject: v11i015: Alternative Headlines for Headline Generator from: karl@ficc.uu.net (Karl Lehenbauer) Sender: allbery@uunet.UU.NET (Brandon S. Allbery - comp.sources.misc) Posting-number: Volume 11, Issue 15 Submitted-by: karl@ficc.uu.net (Karl Lehenbauer) Archive-name: headlines/part01 Here is a files of headlines for the recently posted tabloid headline generator. This is based on the original headline file, but has a lot more dead and live celebrities and historical figures, plus predictions, inventions, methods of divination, and more of about everything else. ---------------- cut here ---------------- \* National Enquirer Headlines. \* %SPIRITUAL Spiritual Clairvoyant Telepathic Telekinetic Psychic %RELATIVE Father Uncle Grandfather Grandmother Son Daughter Mother Aunt Postman Accountant Dog Catcher IRS Man Hairdresser Avon Lady %WEAPON{a} {|a }Meat Cleaver {|a }Hatchet {|a }Machete {|a }Phased Plasma Rifle {|a }Chain Saw {|a }Samurai Sword {|an }Axe {|a }Machine Gun {|a }Bomb {|a }Nuke {|a }Ray Gun {|a }Surface-To-Air Missile {|an }Assault Rifle {|an }Anti-Tank Weapon {|a }Potato Peeler \*{\FRUIT|\FRUIT/a} \FRUIT/& %GHOST{s} Ghost{|s} Evil Spirit{|s} Disembodied Spirit{|s} Poltergeist{|s} Demon{|s} Phantom{|s} Boogie M{an|en} Apparition{|s} %RELIGION Buddist Methodist Baptist Islamic Moslem Roman Catholic Atheist Jehova's Witness Mormon Jewish %UFFO UFO Flying Saucer Space Ship Mother Ship Space Cruiser USS Enterprise Galactic Space Cruiser %PLANET Pluto Mars Venus Mercury Neptune Saturn Jupiter The Moon Alpha Centauri %ET{s} Extra-Terrestrial{|s} E.T.{|'s} Space Alien{|s} Being{|s} Space Being{|s} Cyborg{|s} Humanoid{|s} Alien{|s} Space Monster{|s} %DRUG Heroin LSD Angel Dust Coke Cocaine Crack Quaaludes Amphetamines Speed Pot Marijuana PCP Ecstacy Valium Reefer Ice Crystal Methedrine %FRUIT{as} {|a |}Mango{||es} {|a |}Tomato{||es} {|a |}Banana{||s} {|a |}Cherr{y|y|ies} {|an |}Apple{||s} {|a |}Plum{||s} {|a |}Pear{||s} {|an |}Orange{||s} {|a |}Tangerine{||s} {|a |}Lemon{||s} {|a |}Lime{||s} {|a |}Grapefruit{||s} {|a |}Kiwi{||s} %MADNESS Crazed Drug-Crazed Insane Manic Depressive Neurotic Psychotic Psychopathic Devoted Religious Fanatical Pathological Bizarre Twisted Eccentric Libertarian Yuppie Objectivist %KILLER{s} (2)\KILLERX/& \MADNESS \KILLERX/& %KILLERX{s} \FRUIT/& Great White Shark{|s} Terminator{|s} Ewok{|s} Wombat{|s} Bee{|s} Wasp{|s} Whale{|s} Shark{|s} Lion{|s} Dolphin{|s} Elephant{|s} Worm{|s} Clam{|s} Kitten{|s} Lobster{|s} Tiger{|s} Leopard{|s} Panda{|s} Crocodile{|s} Fire Ant{|s} Sheep Fish Gator{|s} %MCELEB Ronald Reagan Frank Sinatra Michael Jackson Prince Mick Jagger Donny Osmond Lou Albano Sylvester Stallone Sean Penn Bob Dylan David Letterman Johnny Carson Muammar Quadaffi Moammar Khadafy Kenny Rogers Burt Reynolds John Davidson Richard Nixon Prince Charles George Lucas Prince Andrew John Travolta Richard Gere Sonny Bono Jimmy Carter Dan Akroyd Robert Wagner Ted Kennedy Mikhail Gorbachev Bill Cosby Sidney Poitier Patrick Swayze James Brown Judd Hirsch Fidel Castro Jim Bakker Jimmy Swaggart Jerry Falwell Billy Graham Oliver North Pope John Paul Robert Vaughn Woody Allen Pee Wee Herman %FCELEB Princess Diana Queen Elizabeth Nancy Reagan Linda Ronstadt Margaret Trudeau Liz Taylor Tina Turner Dolly Parton Cher Jane Fonda Eva Gabor Zsa Zsa Joan Rivers Madonna Cindi Lauper Carol Burnett Maggie Thatcher Marie Osmond Princess Stephanie Queen Mum Kirstie Alley Mary Tyler Moore Shirley Maclaine Linda Evans Bo Derek Paula Abdul Janet Jackson Cicely Tyson Diana Ross Rosanne Barr Barbara Streisand Tammy Faye Jessica Hahn Fawn Hall Mia Farrow %BABY{s} Bab{y|ies} Child{|ren} Son{|s} Daughter{|s} %FDEAD\* female persons long dead Cleopatra Joan of Arc Lady Godiva Queen Victoria The Queen of Sheba Amelia Earhart Betsy Ross %DFCELEB\* dead female 'celebrities' Marilyn Monroe Janis Joplin Judy Garland Eva Gardner Lucille Ball Natalie Wood Bette Davis Lana Turner Barbara Stanwyck (4)\FDEAD %MDEAD\* male persons long dead Atilla the Hun King Henry VIII Abraham Lincoln George Washington Moses Abraham Jesus Genghis Khan FDR Paul Revere Alexander The Great Robert E. Lee Confucius Leonardo da Vinci %DMCELEB\* dead male celebs (3)Elvis Jimi Hendrix Jim Morrison John F. Kennedy Bing Crosby John Lennon JFK Groucho Marx Harry Chapin Lyndon Johnson John Belushi Dwight Eisenhower Roy Cohn Rock Hudson RFK Andy Kaufman Steve McQueen Liberace \MDEAD %DCELEB \DMCELEB \DFCELEB %DEAD \FDEAD \MDEAD %EAT{sd} {Eat|Eats|Ate} Kidnap{|s|ped} {Take|Takes|Took} Kill{|s|ed} Devour{|s|ed} Maim{|s|ed} Injure{|s|d} Rape{|s|d} Consume{|s|d} %SAY{s} Say{|s} Reveal{|s} \*Admit{|s} Claim{|s} Insist{|s} \*Warn{|s} %DOCTOR{s} Doctor{|s} Psychologist{|s} Psychiatrist{|s} Physician{|s} Neurologist{|s} Dentist{|s} Pediatrician{|s} Vetrinarian{|s} Optician{|s} %SCIENTIST{s} Scientist{|s} \DOCTOR/& Chemist{|s} Physicist{|s} Meta-physicist{|s} Engineer{|s} Computer Scientist{|s} Professor{|s} Technician{|s} Whiz Kid{|s} Brain Boff{|s} AI Expert{|s} AI Researcher{|s} Astrologer{|s} %NATIONALITY Russian Soviet British Polish French Belgian Swiss German Spanish Mexican Ukranian American Canadian Albanian Australian Chinese Japanese Armenian Italian Romanian East German Korean Vietnamese Cuban Colombian %DISEASE Herpes AIDS The Flu Leprosy VD a Backache Chicken Pox Malaria Laryngitis a Nosebleed Tuberculosis Cancer a Headache Meningitis Diabetes Anal Warts Diarrhea High Cholesterol The Clap %FICTCHAR Santa Claus Bigfoot Snow White God Bhudda Mary Poppins The Loch Ness Monster Yogi Bear James Bond The Wicked Witch of the West The Wizard of Oz Captain Kirk The Tooth Fairy Kermit The Frog Batman Chicken Little A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Superman Spiderman Buggs Bunny Elmer Fudd Porky Pig Sylvester The Pussycat Tweety-Bird Daffy Duck Wiley E. Coyote Foghorn Leghorn %KILL{sd} Kill{|s|ed} Murder{|s|ed} Maim{|s|ed} Slaughter{|s|ed} Mutilate{|s|d} Sho{ot|ots|t} Mug{|s|ged} Butcher{|s|ered} %NUMBER \NUMBER1 (2)\NUMBER2 Twenty-\NUMBER1 Thirty-\NUMBER1 Forty-\NUMBER1 Fifty-\NUMBER1 Sixty-\NUMBER1 Seventy-\NUMBER1 Eighty-\NUMBER1 Ninety-\NUMBER1 %NUMBER1 Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine %NUMBER2 Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen %FOOD{as} {|a |}Taco{||s} (3)\FRUIT/& {|an |}Enchilada{||s} {|a |}Burrito{||s} {|a |}Watermelon{||s} {|a |}Triple Ice Cream Cone{||s} {|a |}Tostada{||s} Cheese Whiz {|a |}Candy Bar{||s} {|a |}Cookie{||s} {|a |}Popsicle{||s} {|a |}TV Dinner{||s} Fajitas Tofu Sushi Dogfood Jell-O %INVENTION The Light Bulb Electricity Lemon Pledge The Printing Press Bookshelves The Wheel The Pencil Eraser Turtleneck Sweaters Call Waiting Toothpaste Lunch Television Air Conditioning The Flush Toilet Silly Putty %DIVINATION Reading Tea Leaves Reading Entrails Reading Lint Dowsing Casting Horoscopes Numeromancy Prayer Hallucinating Studying Old Cartoons Listening To Records Backwards Listening To Rock-And-Roll Studying Photographs Of \CELEB Examining Skin Folds Examining Head Bumps Dropping Acid Introspection %PERSON{s} \KILLER/& Football player{|s} {Man|Men} Wom{an|en} TV Personalit{y|ies} Game Show Host{|s} Politician{|s} Baseball Umpire{|s} Little Old Lad{y|ies} Grandma{|s} Movie Star{|s} Teen{|s} Infant{|s} Toddler{|s} Schoolboy{|s} Schoolgirl{|s} Grandpa{|s} Policem{an|en} Soldier{|s} Astronaut{|s} Athlete{|s} \SCIENTIST/& \DOCTOR/& \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/& \NATIONALITY \DOCTOR/& Unemployed \SCIENTIST/& Student{|s} Air Traffic Controller{|s} \NATIONALITY Student{|s} \ET/& %BIGEVENT Trip To Moon Kennedy Assassination Nixon Election Reagan Election Discovery Of America D-Day American Revolution World War II Vietnam War The Resurrection %PREDICTION \CELEB Will Get A Sex Change \DEAD Will Return From The Dead, With A Stunning New Diet \CELEB Will Wed \CELEB Lots Of Bogus Predictions Mars Landing Bush Assassination Quayle Elected President Third Term For Nixon Aliens Will \EAT \CELEB Elvis World Tour In \NUMBER Years \ET/s Will Rule \PERSON Will Eat \FOOD Within \NUMBER Days \FCELEB Will Lose \NUMBER Pounds \PERSON Will Get \DISEASE \CELEB Will Get \DISEASE %AIRCRAFT Airplane Helicopter Airship Hot Air Balloon Hang Glider Helium Balloon UFO Jet Fighter 747 DC-10 F16 B-52 Rocket Blimp Airbus %BOOZE Vodka Bourbon Whiskey Scotch Tequila Gin %CELEB \MCELEB \FCELEB %PLACE Redwood City Australia Nevada Austin, Texas Magrathea Outer Space Memphis England San Francisco Castro Street San Jose L.A. New York Orlando, Florida Missouri Middle Earth The Shire Barsoom Planet Vulcan Fremont Airport Tokyo Transylvania Times Square Wall Street San Rafael Israel Beirut Mordor BBC television center Stalingrad Moscow Amsterdam Manchester Edinburgh Red Square Kremlin Mimico Hollywood Daytona Beach Salt Lake City Mississauga Majorca Bangkok Monte Carlo Lisbon Nirvana Houston Beijing London Berlin Utah Texas Arkansas Boston Poughkeepsie Hell %MAIN \CONST.\! %INVOLVED .\! -- \CELEB Reveals All .\! -- \CELEB May Be Involved %PROOF \PHOTO \PHOTO .\! -- \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s Offer Undeniable Proof %PHOTO .\! -- Exclusive Pictures Inside .\! -- Photographic Evidence Offers Proof .\! -- National Enquirer Photo Exclusive %CONST "Killer \KILLER/s From \PLANET \EAT/d My \BABY" \SAY/s \CELEB\PHOTO "\CELEB Is Really \ET From \PLANET" \SAY/s \CELEB "\CELEB Is Really \ET From \PLANET" \SAY \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s \MCELEB and \FCELEB Secretly Wed in \PLACE, It's Official\PHOTO Eating \FRUIT/s Can Give You \DISEASE, \SAY \NATIONALITY \DOCTOR/s "\ET/s From \PLANET Gave Me \DISEASE" \SAY/s \CELEB "\FICTCHAR is for real".\! -- \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s come up with undeniable proof "\MCELEB is really my father", \SAY/s \CELEB "\FCELEB is really my mother", \SAY/s \CELEB \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s Discover Lost City of \PLACE \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s \SAY: Crippled \UFFO In Orbit Around \PLANET!\PROOF \CELEB \KILL/s \NUMBER \PERSON/s in drunken rampage \PERSON, Stoned On \DRUG, \KILL/s \NUMBER \PERSON/s \CELEB Falls \NUMBER thousand feet out of \AIRCRAFT ... and survives "\ET/s From \PLANET Landed In My Garden And \EAT/d \NUMBER \FRUIT/s" \SAY/s \CELEB \FCELEB Gives birth to \NUMBER \BABY/s\INVOLVED \RELIGION Monks report \UFFO Sighting in \PLACE\! "They Came From \PLANET!"\PROOF Real Life Ghost Busters Exorcise \GHOST from \CELEB/ 's home in \PLACE \BABY \KILL/d by Pet \KILLER\PHOTO Amazing \MADNESS \KILLERX from \PLACE "I Chopped My \RELATIVE To Death With \WEAPON/a" -- \PERSON \PERSON Goes Berserk And \KILL/s \NUMBER \PERSON/s With \WEAPON \FCELEB Tells Of Night Of Terror With \MCELEB. "He Threatened Me With \WEAPON/a" \MCELEB Tells Of Night Of Terror With \FCELEB. "She Threatened Me With \WEAPON/a" \FRUIT/s Have \SPIRITUAL Powers, \SAY \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s\PROOF \PERSON Sees Face Of \FICTCHAR In \FOOD/a "\DCELEB Died From Eating \FRUIT/s", \SAY/s \CELEB\PROOF \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s Produce \SPIRITUAL \KILLER Girl \PERSON \KILL/s \NUMBER \PERSON/s With \WEAPON,\!Then Is Acquitted By Jury \NUMBER Years For \MADNESS \WEAPON Murderer. "I Would Do It Again" Says \CELEB \PERSON Struck By Lightning -- \NUMBER Times Jury Acquit Notorious \WEAPON Murderer From \PLACE \MCELEB and \FCELEB Seen Together in \PLACE. "Is It Love?" \PERSON/ 's Bizarre Claim: "\NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s Planted Mind Control Device In My Head" "Does \FICTCHAR Exist?" \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s Offer New Evidence Travelling To \PLACE In A Stolen \AIRCRAFT -- \CELEB Tells All\PHOTO "\FICTCHAR \EAT/d My \BABY", \SAY/s \PERSON "\MCELEB is the Father Of My \BABY", \SAY/s \MADNESS \PERSON "\FCELEB is the Mother Of My \BABY", \SAY/s \MCELEB\INVOLVED \FCELEB Files Paternity Suit Against \FCELEB -- Claiming Sex Change "I Am The Reincarnation of \FDEAD", \SAY/s \FCELEB "I Am The Reincarnation of \MDEAD", \SAY/s \MCELEB \SCIENTIST/s Discover \FCELEB Was Married to \MDEAD in Previous Life "I spoke to \DCELEB through \FOOD/a" \SAY/s \PERSON "I Saw \DCELEB Alive and Well in \PLACE" \SAY/s \PERSON \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s resurrect \DCELEB\PROOF In \MADNESS Rage, \PERSON \KILL/s \NUMBER, Self \PERSON, \NUMBER, Gives Birth To \NUMBER-Pound \BABY "\CELEB Is Addicted to \DRUG"\PROOF \CELEB Reveals: "\ET/s Replaced My Brain with \FOOD/s -- And Nobody Noticed" New \FRUIT Diet Helps You Lose \NUMBER Pounds And Live To Be \NUMBER Doubtful \RELIGION \SCIENTIST/s Cowed: Startling New Proof Of Life After Death \PLACE Invaded! Residents Stunned As \ET/s Demand \DRUG\PROOF "I Was Addicted To \DRUG For \NUMBER Years," Reveals \CELEB \RELATIVE, \NUMBER, Tells \RELATIVE: "Stay Away -- I \EAT/d \DCELEB" Tunnel To \PLACE Discovered\PROOF \ET/s from \PLANET \SAY: "\DCELEB Was One Of Us" "I Am Possessed By \DCELEB," \RELATIVE Reveals \ET/s Give \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s The Slip -- Then Joyride In Stolen \AIRCRAFT\PROOF \MADNESS \FOOD Eater \EAT/s \CELEB, Stalks \CELEB \SPIRITUAL \SCIENTIST/s Predict: \RELIGION \KILLER/s Will Avoid \FRUIT/s \CELEB Love Tryst With \CELEB -- \CELEB Furious Thousands Applaud As \RELATIVE Wrestles \MADNESS \RELIGION \KILLER Onlookers Horrified as \FCELEB Gorges On \FOOD/s\PROOF Bermuda Triangle Mystery: \AIRCRAFT, Missing \NUMBER Years, Appears In \PLACE "We Lived On Nothing But \FOOD/s and \FOOD/s For Weeks," Explorer Claims \PLACE \FOOD Shortage Worsens \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s \SAY: \DCELEB Went to Hell\PROOF \FCELEB Suck-Starts \AIRCRAFT, Buzzes Terrified Residents \FICTCHAR Is Alive And Living In \PLACE\PROOF \RELIGION Voodoo Rituals Protect \FCELEB From \ET/s\!"Haven't Seen Any Yet," She Claims. \CELEB to \CELEB: Drop \CELEB Or It's Over \PERSON, \NUMBER, Fixes Own Breakfast \CELEB Goes To Toilet Without Help\PROOF Mysterious \GHOST Plagues \PERSON \UFFO Plagues \PLACE, \FRUIT Crop Shrivels \NUMBER Malevolent \GHOST/s Exorcised From \PERSON By \RELIGION Shaman Feral \FRUIT/s Menace \PLACE \CELEB's Tragic Confession: "I Slugged Back \BOOZE And Molested \FOOD/s For Years" Pyramid Power: "It Worked For Me," Claims \PERSON, \NUMBER \PERSON Uses \PERSON's Face For Ashtray "I Remember All \NUMBER Of My Previous Incarnations," \SAY/s \CELEB. \PERSON \SAY/s: "I \KILL/d \DCELEB -- Just To Prove A Point" \PERSON/s Keep \PERSON Locked In Closet For \NUMBER Years \PLANET Needs \PERSON/s \MCELEB Leaves \FCELEB For \MCELEB\!"She's Furious," Friends \SAY. Psychic \SAY/s: \BIGEVENT Faked At Film Studio In \PLACE "\BIGEVENT Was Faked," Pychics \SAY\PROOF Psychic Predicts: "\PREDICTION" "Elvis Told Me \BIGEVENT Was Faked," \PERSON \SAY/s \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s \SAY "\DEAD Invented \INVENTION" "\DEAD \SAY/s \PREDICTION," \PERSON \SAY/s By \DIVINATION, \SPIRITUAL \PERSON \SAY/s "\PREDICTION" \NATIONALITY \SCIENTIST/s Discover \INVENTION By \DIVINATION \BIGEVENT Was Faked, \RELIGION \SCIENTIST/s Prove By \DIVINATION By \DIVINATION, \SCIENTIST/s Determine: "\DEAD Invented \INVENTION" "\DEAD Had \DISEASE," \SCIENTIST/s \SAY Mystery \PERSON Baffles \SCIENTIST/s, Predicts \PREDICTION "\FICTCHAR Predicts \PREDICTION," \PERSON \SAY/s \BIGEVENT Faked! "\FICTCHAR Told Me So," \PERSON \SAY/s "I'm Pregnant," \CELEB \SAY/s %% -- -- uunet!ficc!karl "Lack of skill dictates economy of style." -- Joey Ramone uunet!sugar!karl